Conversations with My Mother
by regeris
Summary: On the eve of the first battle against the D-Reaper, Ruki and her mother reach an understanding. Imagined scene from Episode 42 of Digimon Tamers. One-shot.


**Note:** **Digimon belongs to Bandai and Toei. Anything you recognize here is not mine.**

**1998**

The resplendent spring sun lit up her mother's golden hair, six-year-old Makino Ruki noticed as they walked hand in hand down the busy street. Any passerby would remark to himself that the twenty-four year old beauty had taken every care to dress her daughter. The girl was pretty in her own right. She had soft red hair that was set into a crown braid, leaving the rest to drape over her shoulders. Her dress was white, embroidered with barely perceptible swirls. On her head, she wore an elegant straw hat with a faux sunflower in bright yellow. The little girl, however, glared intently on the concrete in front of her. Observing this, Rumiko frowned.

"Don't they look happy, dear!" Rumiko squeezed Ruki's hand to draw her attention to the opposite side of the street. Ruki glanced over and sure enough, there was a handsome man gingerly kissing his very pregnant wife on the forehead while their four-year-old son looked on, smiling broadly. Ruki watched the scene impassively, then shrugged.

"I suppose."

"It must be wonderful." Her mother gushed. Annoyance flared in Ruki's eyes.

"Whatever you say." She offered blandly. Her mother's frown grew even deeper.

"Come on, Ruki, what's this attitude? I was just commenting on how happy they look." She asked in slight irritation.

"What?" Ruki bristled. "I wasn't disagreeing with you. You never let me disagree with you. They _look_ happy. You and daddy _look_ happy too, if that floats your boat!" Several emotions flitted across Rumiko's face at once: anger, indignity, hurt and epiphany.

"Why don't you say something?" Ruki continued, her little face twisted in accusation. "You were very good at speaking before! What did you say to daddy this time to make him sad? Did you call him irresponsible? Selfish? Immature? A self-absorbed good-for-nothing bastard?"

Rumiko gasped, angry tears shining in her eyes. She raised her hand as though to strike. Ruki had never seen her mother like this before and in her shock, her plump little legs caved and she found herself sitting on the concrete pavement, waiting for the blow. Her mother stopped herself just in time and lowered her trembling hand. The damage had been done. Tears of hurt and betrayal flooded streamed down her rosy cheeks. She stood up slowly, regally and brushed the dirt off her dress. Wiping away her tears, she stared down her mother with her violet eyes burning with cold fire.

"I hate you."

* * *

**2002**

Ruki wasn't in their hotel room in Yokohama, twenty-eight year old Makino Rumiko noticed as she wracked her brain for something to gift her daughter. She did not know Ruki at all, she realized. Rumiko couldn't even come up with one thing she might like. After watching the television report about the strange anomaly in Shinjuku that caused their evacuation from their mansion, Ruki had simply vanished. Where could she be, if she had not gone away like she always used to do? Rumiko was beginning to get worried.

"Down in the garden on the first floor." Hata Seiko answered. Rumiko hadn't thought she had wondered aloud.

"You sure?" She asked her mother.

"Yes, dear, she told me herself." Seiko smiled that motherly smile.

"Thanks, mom!" Rumiko said appreciatively and rushed out the door.

She found Ruki exactly where Seiko said she'd be, in her cool, blue shirt with the broken heart and her spiky red ponytail. Ruki stood on the tiny wooden bridge and distractedly dropped pebbles into the pond, startling the koi.

"Are you thinking about him, Ruki?" Rumiko ventured tentatively behind her. Ruki gasped, having not heard Rumiko approach.

"Who?" Ruki said, deliberately obtuse.

"We both know who I'm talking about." Rumiko stated matter-of-factly. Motherhood was new to her; she supposed she had not been a mother for most of the past decade. But Rumiko quickly learned to her relief that her maternal instincts had not died, and right now, thanks to them, her daughter was transparent.

"No. More about fate. And death." Ruki said, and she dropped another pebble into the pond. By now the area was clear of koi. She kept doing that, and Rumiko kept standing behind her, and thus they remained for five minutes.

"Why doesn't he want to see me? Did you tell him not to come?" Ruki demanded suddenly, rounding on her mother; her voice was clear and strong, but Rumiko knew better.

"No, I didn't. I haven't spoken to him in four years, I promise." She replied solemnly. Ruki's violet eyes bored into her own, daring her to lie. Five seconds passed and Rumiko did not respond, and Ruki's expression became plaintive. She averted her gaze and seemed to accept her explanation.

"He doesn't want to see me, then." Ruki said sullenly and turned back to the pond, dropping another pebble. Rumiko felt a pang seeing her ten-year-old child like this. You could never lie to Ruki. From infancy, precocious Ruki saw through every façade and her lucidity had always made her father proud. But is that good? Shouldn't children just be children?

"You know that's not true. It's not customary for the divorced father to see his children." Rumiko pointed out as gently as she could.

"Damn custom! Our address is all over the news, and he knows what we're up against with the D-Reaper in Tokyo. If he cared he would've..." Ruki ended her outburst and sighed. "You're just really naïve, mom." Rumiko chuckled. Then it hit her how old and wise she sounded for the first time in her life; the thought made her laugh even harder.

"Mom?" Ruki regarded her with concern.

"I'm your mother. I can't be naïve." Rumiko wrapped her left arm around Ruki's shoulders.

"That was an unreasonable thing to say." Ruki pouted, then she blushed, realizing what a foolish thing she said. Rumiko laughed once more and kissed her daughter on her left temple.

"My darling little genius, always so ready to grow up. You can't reason your way into maturity; you have to just let life happen to you." She said indulgently.

"But you should be able to." Ruki protested stubbornly.

"My father died when I was three and your grandmother raised me alone. By seventeen I had dropped out of high school because I was pregnant with you, and when I was eighteen I found myself married to the wrong man. Whatever else you think of me, I'm not naïve. I know bad things happen too. But my career has been good to me, and I have a beautiful, spunky daughter who's a star student. As a single, teenage mother who dropped out of high school, I thought my life was over, but if I had kept thinking that, maybe it would have been. Perhaps your father doesn't want to see you, but who knows? For someone so fond of reason you sure jump to a lot of sad conclusions."

"You don't want me to hate him." Ruki said after a long pause, having considered her words. She still didn't get it, Rumiko saw.

"No, I don't. From the looks of it, you're going to be off again. I don't want you to carry that with you." Rumiko finally admitted.

"So I can die happily." Ruki stared into the pond, her hands empty of pebbles.

"No! So you can _live_ happily." Rumiko corrected emphatically.

"What makes you so sure I'll live?" Ruki retorted, desperate for a satisfying answer but not expecting one.

"Because in dark times, hope is our only chance." She wanted nothing else in that moment but for Ruki to understand. "Ruki, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm sorry I wasn't a better mother, but we'll have a fresh start when you defeat the D-Reaper. I promise." She clasped her daughter's hands in her own, and a slight tremor stole into her voice. "Your grandmother loves you. Renamon loves you. And _I_ love you. Always know that." As she finished, she swore she saw a wet glimmer in Ruki's eyes. Ruki finally broke into a grin. Rumiko, on her part, was glad to see her daughter happy.

"When we defeat the D-Reaper... How awfully optimistic. Maybe that's what they mean by changing your fate." Ruki mused to herself and suddenly became opaque to Rumiko again, who could not fathom how Ruki had made that connection. Ruki seemed to have drifted back into her reverie, but this time her face was serene.

Rumiko would prefer to talk more, but in this moment Ruki needed her privacy. She started to walk away, then turned back and watched her contemplative daughter in her cool, blue shirt with the broken heart and her spiky red ponytail. Rumiko hadn't been successful in recent years in buying Ruki clothes she'd liked, but it couldn't hurt to try again. Above all, she would really like to see her cool, blue daughter with an intact heart. She hoped Ruki would like her gift.

**Note: I wanted to write this one for _months_, and now it finally came out. This is obviously a "missing scene" kind of thing, from episode 42. This is set in the same "universe" as Nightfall on the Frontier, as much as a amateur fanfic writer can have a universe. And yes, if my authorial hinting had failed, Rumiko's gift is Ruki's new shirt. Hope you enjoyed the story, and leave a review if you have time.**


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